Patience and solitude

Slowness...patience...I'm downloading a one hour TR show; after 5 hours, I have 55% done. It's a .zip file, I *pray* it's going to work.

I read somewhere that friendship is the most important thing. Feeling guilty, I sent an email to Cyb, Isa and Sophie. I had decided a while back to stop being the one always trying to keep up the relationships. Isa can be busy with the kid, but dammit, I used to have a baby, I was alone all the time and I was able to keep touch. Sophie hasn't written to me since February and it was because I sent her a email for her birthday, because she had forgotten mine. Cyb writes more often, and she doesn't even have a computer at home. This week, I will send an email for Jean's birthday. Of course, *I* also remember partners and kids birthday.

I am way too nice. People take advantage of that. Friends and family take for granted I will keep in touch. Colleagues and boss take for granted I will do the work, but that I don't need thank-yous or compliments. Guy takes for granted I'm going to be there for Miga and the house. Even my psy told me to get mad sometimes. But I hate confrontation. Probably a side-effect of my low self-esteem. I think that I won't win anyway.

I don't want to be nice anymore! If Isa and Sophie don't answer back, well f*** off. That's it.

It's so tough to be all alone. I don't have any close friends, people that I can actually talk to. I have to write in my journal or the internet. That's so depressing...