Tired, frustrated, sick again

I can't say it's a bad day, but I can't say everything is going peachy either. First sign something is wrong is that I'm writing this at work when I'm overwork and drowned under deadlines.

There is a situation that is so getting to me that I'm getting sick again: I'm coughing (another bronchitis?) and I'm scratching myself. I love my job usually, and I don't want to leave, but if the situation doesn't improve, I don't know what I will do. I miss cataloguing books and thesis. I'm losing the little bit of faith I had in me. I'm tired all the time and most of all, I don't care if I don't work correctly. Last time I did that, I was taking afternoons off without telling anybody. I was self-destructive so other people would take care of the situation for me.

I guess that to feel better, I have to "mettre mes culottes" and take the situation in my own hands. But I'm not feeling very well and moreover, I don't know what to do. It's bigger than me just not loving a job, it's somebody hating me and doing all sorts of things to make me look bad.

If I could just not care, do my little things while listening to music. But I'm a perfectionist (strangely) and it hurts me that someone hates my work and me. Especially when I'm usually loved (or at least not hated that much) and my work appreciated.

I don't want to be sick again! I'm spending a week in Montreal next week...for music...could it be that I don't want to go so much that it's playing a role in me being sick? *sigh*

Shanti...